I am NOT Cancer
Foreword
Writer and Poet,
Blogger: Cancer Bus,
MBC Patient Advocate,
Participant: SHARE's MBC Support Group ,
Guest: Our MBC Life Podcast The Healing Power of Writing
“When the words, ‘I am sorry but you’ve got metastatic breast cancer,’ echo in your ears for the first time, the air gets sucked out of the room. We can’t hear much of anything else. The disease takes so much from us but it cannot take our voices. Our words speak from deep places and our expressions of the emotional impact of MBC take many forms - including poetry. And poetry connects us by using an economy of words to unpack what’s heavy in our hearts releasing something beautiful and unexpected. It’s akin to a rose bush blooming into flowers from buds.
These two poems written by Sandra Moss or Sandy, as she is known to her friends, were read by the author at the end of our Monday night MBC support group. We have a poem and a meditation to close each call since there are so many things about MBC that are so difficult, closing on a gentle note allows us to take a deep breath before we sign off.
Sandy’s poetry is a breath of fresh air, and she generously wrote for and read to our group the poems you’re about to read. We listened and were delighted by her wisdom and her humor as well as the way in which she brought all our hopes of becoming Unicorns, or exceptional responders, with a disease that kills 100% of those diagnosed. We all hope to become unicorns. And it’s the wisdom and experience of those of us who have lived longer with MBC that help those who are newly or recently diagnosed.
Sandy’s voice in these two poems demonstrates the premise that we all have something to say - and Sandy has generously agreed to share her work with us here. Outspoken and tenacious, she’s an integral part of our community and always willing to share openly and never afraid to ask the tough questions.
May we all listen in our hearts to her words as we read them. As a writer and poet, I often read poetry. When the voice of the writer is authentic it shines through. And Sandy shines through her words and is a ray of light in the darkness that can be metastatic breast cancer.”
I Want to Be a Unicorn
Were unicorns real?
Are they real?
Did they miss the ark?
Or did God save them
For some special work?
Somehow, unicorns beat the odds.
They’re supposed to be
Extinct, defeated, gone.
Instead they bring comfort,
joy and cheer
Simply because they are still here.
Unicorns defy all expectations.
They continue to prance without limitations.
Unicorns are beautiful, charming and gracious.
But they are also strong, willful and tenacious.
Unicorns are rare.
They defy reality.
They refuse to accept
That life here on earth
Has a foregone finality
They ignore statistics and charts.
Instead, they continue to do
What brings joy to their hearts.
So, when it comes to cancer,
I want to be a unicorn.
I am NOT Cancer
I am a woman, a wife, a mother,
A grandmother, a sister and a friend.
But ….. I am NOT cancer.
I pray quietly and lie motionless
Although I really want to cry out
And escape the prison-like PET Scan machine.
I hold my breath while the roulette wheel
Of the MRI machine spins, clanks and spins.
Will it land on live or die?
But, I also reach out to volunteer,
Lift my voice in praise, make Princess birthday cakes,
And, rock my grandchildren in my arms.
Because …. I am NOT cancer.
I live in a daily amusement park
With emotional roller coasters,
Funny mirrors that distort my once
Whole and unscarred body and tea cups
That keep my mind spinning, spinning , spinning.
But… I live
Because I am NOT cancer.
Yes, I cry, but every tear glistens with
A happy memory
Yes, my heart breaks, but it is also filled
With hope, humor and healing.
Yes, I fear tomorrow, but, I relish
Every moment of today.
I explore, I create, I love, I debate.
Because ….I am NOT cancer.
