Finding Joy While Living with MBC
As a person living with MBC, I frequently get asked “How can you be so happy when you have Stage IV cancer?” To be honest, I’m often not happy. I’m frequently sad, mad, frustrated and scared. Does that mean I’m just pretending to be happy all the time? That is an emphatic NO. Most of the time I am Joyful - not happy. But how do you even have Joy while living with MBC?
To do this you need to learn the difference between Happiness and Joy.
Happiness is based on external circumstances. It is a destination …. a pot of gold. You’ve heard people say I’ll be happy when I get a new job or I’d be happy if I had more money. Those are just pots of gold. Life intervenes and those pots become elusive. You don’t have control of much of what happens in life. Happiness requires control. You can’t tie your wellbeing to Happiness.
But Joy can be present, even in the darkest times. Joy is not based on circumstances. It is internal. Joy is actually an attitude that defies your circumstances.
About 5 months after my diagnosis I spent time doing some soul searching. I felt like I had lost me. It was time to leave the pity party behind and decide how I wanted to live the rest of my life. As I read, studied and searched I kept coming up with one word - you guessed it - Joy. I knew Joy was the lifeline I was being thrown.
But how the heck was I going to find Joy in the middle of my life filled with doctors, shots, pills and scans. There was very little Joy in that.
So I became focused on Joy. You know the saying “Fake it till you make it”? That’s what I did. The more I looked for Joy, the more I felt Joy. The more I shared Joy, the more I felt Joy. I decided that I needed to pursue Joy with the same passion and energy I used to use to pursue happiness in my old life.
Here are some simple practices I put in place to keep my focus on my Joy.
Every morning write down 3 things I am grateful for and do the same every evening This turns my focus from anything unpleasant in my life to what is going on that is good in my life, even if it is just for a few minutes.
I listen to inspirational podcasts and books. Right now I’m listening to My MBC Life podcast and the book “It' s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst. I often listen to these when I am too tired to do much of anything else, but I also listen when taking a walk or driving.
I do deep breathing exercises. These help me center myself and quiet my mind. This is part of my “Morning Quiet Time” regimen, but I also do these any time I feel anxious, i.e. having scans!
Instead of filling my Facebook and Instagram feeds with anxiety building posts, I now follow inspirational, positivity, joy filled content. These help me cultivate a mindset of having Joy as a central part of my life.
I write in my bullet Journal. I had tried journaling right after my diagnosis but would write a few days and then stop. I would find myself feeling guilty because I hadn’t written. I then discovered bullet Journaling which is a combination of planner, journaling and creative outlet in one. I now have a section called musings on my weekly page - no days or dates assigned to. I now am free to write whenever the mood strikes me about anything that pops into my mind. No more “deadlines” to meet and now journaling is a Joy.
I eliminate negativity from my life. This is a biggie and sometimes difficult. I have begun to shed some negative relationships that were draining my Joy. I don’t have time for that. I do selective reading on current events and never watch television news or TV shows with ads. If a conversation I’m having starts to turn to a subject that causes me anxiety, I politely change the conversation. Learn to know your body’s alerts that a conversation is draining your Joy and don’t participate.
I take time to be selfish - aka Self Care. Take a bath, have a massage, take a non-exercise walk, spend some time in solitude. Do whatever makes you feel pampered and renewed.
I surround myself with Joy filled people. You know them. Make that where you spend your time and have your conversations.
I do something for someone else. It doesn’t have to be big, but make the call, send the card, comment on that post. Send your joy out into the world.
As you start your Joy journey know that as you share your Joy, you leave behind seeds of Joy for others. Take the time to pursue your Joy and begin sowing those seeds.
An FYI - I have a couple social media locations
Choose to Live with Joy
YouTube Channel